I heart Java

if life is a java program what would i do with it?
First, i'll system-dot-out-dot-print-line the words "hello world"
or perhaps "hello hell?", for these are the sweetest words you'll hear
even before your nose starts bleeding.

I would fill the class with destruction, i mean construction (my bad)
and construct the attributes studentClassStanding equals to 70
and the studentFinalGrade to negative 70.
isn't that sweet?

now i could make them suffer, i mean buffer...
a bufferedReader to read the inputfile
and store it to an array
which i will call nameOfStudentsWhoWillFailThisSubject.

After that, i could do a selection sort
or bubble sort to see who passed my criteria.
On my previous sorts, it returned an integer 7
just kidding!....it's actually 2.

Sometimes i store them into a linked list
and do the method studentBleedUntoDeath
with parameter studentNose, i mean studentNode.

And of course i will not let this pass away,
my favorite method, studentTorture(students) .
That's just the basic part of it!

After that, i will make a queue studentRecord
and enqueue them with onlyMeCouldAnswerquizzes
until they dequeue all by themselves.
It's so enjoyable.

I also love to do error-checking
by passing them to a method named noOneShouldPass,
if an error occurs ill throw them,
and catch some Exception named onlyThoseWhoHaveEightyAndAbove.

One school year i evenn had this class
stored them in a doubly-linked list
and i stacked them with lots of variables
named impossibleProgrammingAssignments.

Finally, I had a do-while loop
that will do an increment in studentBrainDamage
while studentsBloodPressure is not equal to zero.

And that's just the start of it.
If you want to have this kind of life just login to www.PrepareYourDeathbed.com
or enroll in the eclass with the enrollment key "killMe".
so what are you waiting for? get a java life and have a return zero!

illustration by csz97
poem by anonymous